Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
