Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
