the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i dont even know how to be here
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
tell me about the eggs
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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