I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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