My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
