Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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