i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
