What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
