just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
