She is in my trunk
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
