Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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