you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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