my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
