I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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