I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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