ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
