my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
