are you still at the devil's house?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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