Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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