I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize