You're so nebulous sometimes
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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