Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
