Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
