Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
