Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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