i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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