Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
