forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
