Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
