Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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