My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
