i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
