Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
