New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize