I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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