I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize