Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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