no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
