dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Boobs are out for the taking
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
