Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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