I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
