you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
