Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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