a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So here I am, sexting at work.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
