You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize