you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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