the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
