So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
