i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
