Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
