i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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