hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
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