Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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