I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
