If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
