A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
