i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
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