i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
