My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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