she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize