she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
