i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
