4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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