I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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