you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
