I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
