please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
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