its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
