Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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