Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
